“I know how to be tough. But I’ve never been taught how to be kind.”

“I know how to be tough. But I’ve never been taught how to be kind.”

A friend from my MBA class admitted this the other day during a casual catch-up.
No big moment. Just an honest reflection over some iced tea and french fries.
And it stuck with me. Because: been there, too!

We’re trained to be tough-minded.
Make hard calls. Push through resistance. Get results, whatever it takes.

But tender-hearted? Nobody teaches that in business school.

Here’s what I’ve learned though: Kindness isn’t the opposite of toughness. It’s what makes toughness actually work.

Think about it.
The leaders you actually respect?
They probably fired people kindly.
Gave brutal feedback with genuine care.
Set impossible standards while protecting your dignity.

That’s not an accident. That’s skill.

And here’s the real kicker—during the Great Resignation, researchers found that an unkind culture drove 10x more people away than low pay.

Ten times!

Your people don’t leave for money.
They leave because Karen from accounting makes their soul hurt (sorry, Karen ;)

Real kindness in leadership looks like:
• Saying the hard thing with care
• Creating space for uncomfortable truths
• Actually giving a darn about the humans behind the metrics

When you get this right, engagement goes up. Retention improves. Your team stops pretending to collaborate—and actually does it.

Tough-minded AND tender-hearted isn’t contradictory… It’s the whole point!